Everywhere I go lately, I’m being pummeled with political rhetoric, thinly veiled under the guise of journalism. And that’s okay; it’s an election year, news has turned media-centric, and we’ve grown to expect this.

So here’s what does bug me: the terminology politicians misuse. For instance, ever notice how many times a politician’s statement to or about an opponent begins, “With all due respect… ” ? Interestingly, this is generally followed by an avalanche of verbal bullets that would make most peoples’ mothers blush. But they seem to think if they preface that zinger with their undying pledge of personal respect, it’ll somehow cushion the bloody blow. Why not just say what they really think and stop calling it “respect”?

Okay, and here’s another one for you: “Secret Service”. Are they kidding? A posse of serious dudes in crisp black suits and Oakleys following a politician around can only be one of two things: the “Secret Service” or the Blues Brothers. If they’re not singing and dancing, they probably aren’t the Blues Brothers, so what does that leave? Not very secretive, guys. I think we should refer to them as the “Glaringly Conspicuous Service”.

And this one always gets me. We’re frequently shown a map of the US, full of blue states and red states. Never mind who came up with that color chart idea, but I’m curious as to how they determine which states comprise the “Midwest”. Just for grins, find yourself a map of the continental US, take a ruler and measure out the center point. Then draw a vertical line down the middle and explain to me how they figure some of these states are any kind of “West”? How about if we just go with East, West or Middle and call it a day. Maybe they’re all dyslexic, which would sure explain a lot of other things I’ve wondered about politicians.

Just my Lynnterpretation.